I can live with a wonky smile. I can live with a Roger Moore eyebrow. I can live with getting Botox. I can live with not being able to pull duckface. I can live with not being able to frown. I can not live with The Fear. 

I've had Bell's Palsy three times already. I've had all the tests, all the scans, I've seen all the doctors. I've even been offered life threatening neurosurgery. Nobody has an answer or an explanation. Nobody knows why I've had it three times, why it's not gone away or what they can do to stop it. 

There's often pain, particularly when it's cold or windy, but this is a different pain. This is The Fear. This is the pain that feels odd. This is the pain that makes me sick with worry. This is the pain that makes me think it's happening again.

It makes you feel helpless. There's nothing to be done except wait and see. Stressing makes my face hurt which makes me stress more etc. etc. ad infinitum. It's a vicious circle. One that I really don't want to be stuck in.